I bet you think this blog is about you

I have a bit of a dilemma. I thought Id blog about it since this seems to be the only place that I can get things off my chest without getting into a screaming match with someone. So here goes.. I have an ex- boyfriend. (Obviously) Dont we all? I was with this guy for quite some time and our relationship was anything but smooth. Nonetheless, it seemed like no matter how many times we broke up, saw other people, or fought, we always ended up gravitating back toward eachother. I called him 'my kryptonite'. All of us girls have ONE. The one that no matter how far youve come, or how long its been, they always have the power to bring you back down. The last time we broke up I had to cut off contact with him completely. It was the only way at that time that I could truly move on. I moved to Florida with a new Beau, He got a girlfriend and had a child with her <-- Something he always wanted. It seemed like we both were happy and had successfully moved on. 3 years later.. I get a letter from him on myspace. Simple stuff like, how are you, hows your beau, hows life in general, and how he had moved to Florida too. I questioned whether or not writing him back would mess up anything I had built with my current love. (because they used to be friends as well but then fought after he and I got together) After careful thought, I decided to write him back. I HAD to. I had to see if after all these years I was truly over him like I had been saying I was for so long. We wrote back and forth often, and I was so exstatic to discover that no matter how many times I talked with him online, no feelings came back. I thought, WOW, this time we can truly be friends. Because when we were friends, we were BESTIES. Honestly, I DID miss his company all this time. Him and my current boy started talking as well. They put the past in the past and became pretty close again. I was so excited to finally have us all able to chill again, like we used to. Then I was in the car one day when he called. I could faintly hear his voice on the other line and recognised it immediately. It was him! My heart jumped. I tried to act nonchalant about it but it was sooo incredibly hard. Then it finally dawned on me. I couldnt see him. I couldnt be anywhere NEAR him.My Boy and him talked about us all meeting up, hanging out and him COMING TO STAY AT MY HOUSE! OMG. What the fuck am I to do? Its amazing to me that after all this time, the love has never faded. The candle has never grew dim, or less strong, the feelings were always there and always will be, they only went dormant for being neglected for so long. All it took, was to faintly hear him breathing on that phone and I wanted to jump through it and hold him like we never were apart. I want to see him I truly do. I only wanted to see him before to test my endurance, to see if I had really become immune to my very own "Lex Luthor". But now, its different.I know if he comes to visit everything Ive built will come crashing to the ground. All of my future plans and aspirations will float like bubbles out the window. I cant figure out how which cards to play or what I should do? I cant admit to my boy that he cant come to visit because my love for him has never wavered. (its a dangerous love too, so thats even worse) But surely I cant have him come to visit either. Im sure some major damage to my psyche will be done if he does. Someone help! Sorry about the book style blog but I had to express my situation in detail. Lol. OK. Completely different subject but.. Last night I was thinking about summer break when I was in school. I was thinking about how it felt like YEARZ and how much people I knew then changed over the summer.. ...Then I realized it was two and a half months long. Two and a half months. Thats it. It felt like eternity back then. Then I started thinking about why that was, and why now, two months is like two minutes to me. Did I forget to appreciate life as much? Am I letting it pass me by? I remembered how many things I did over those summers, how many places I went. I remembered how much I learned, how many new experiences I had, and how many memories that I created. Am I taking life for granted? I thought about that for a second but then I realized that at 10 years old.. One year is one 10th of your life. Youve only had this happen to you 9 other times. Of COURSE it seems like forever. Now, at 25.. its only 1/25th. As the years go by, time will seem faster and faster, the pieces of the pie will get smaller, and it the blink of an eye it will end. So long story short, laying in bed last night thinking, I actually realized what my parents have been telling me for years. "Cherish every moment now...cause darlin, it will be gone before you know it."