August Rant: Blah blah blah..Who gives a fuck?

Current mood: bored
So Im sitting here, bored out of my mind.. Thinking about what the fuck I want to do with my life.. when I had a metal block and decided to write a blog. I always see all these updates on other peoples spaces talking about how thier life has changed (YIPEE!) and all kinds of woes and sorrows and I realized... I have never even put anything up about myself except a bunch of lame ass surveys here and there and a bunch of random conversations. Oh! Lets not forget the rants about meaningless bullshit. Ahh, the many ways a blog can be so theraputic. Wierd.
So lets see, where do I start? I'm 25, I act like Im 18. Lol. I think I always will be at heart. I could give two shits what you think so dont bother trying to bring me down. I moved to Florida from Chicago for love and I dont care if that means Im a hopeless romantic. I been through allot of shit. ALLOT. And I guess you could say Im all kinds of fucked up because of it. Slowly but surely though, everything will fall into place... Im a dreamer. It would cost way too much money for a psychiatrist and way too much effort to fix it all and so Im working on one thing at a time. Boo-Fucking-Hoo. Im not perfect. I dont believe in being conservative and I guess you could say thats where all the trouble begins. I'm going to be that 80 year old lady you see with the pink hair (cause I still cant get the "warsh" right) wearing 48.7 pounds of costume jewelery. The old hag swearing at Bingo and bringing in 17 trolls/lighters for luck.
I have come a long, long way and I dont plan on ever looking back. I love MAC make-up and lip-gloss, nice clothes and have a passion for kittens. Im truly someone you would call jaded. Ive been so fucked up and fucked over that Im definately confused on which way is up. I thought I had a strong support system, turns out theyre just as mentally screwed as I am. I love the beach, jewelery and people who can always make me smile. I tend to not realize how important someone is, until they're gone. Ive lived my life like it was going out of style and now Im just trying to put it all back together. I feel so sorry for the people I talked to then who still havent woken up.
So yeah. Ive made a few mistakes. A few really big ones. Lol. But if I could turn back the hands of time.. I wouldnt change a thing. Well, maybe a couple. Heheh. I believe in destiny, astrology and honesty. I love sushi, rollercoasters and hot weather. Im trying to quit smoking, should have never started. Maybe this time Ill succeed. Im good at sales, listening, and giving advice. I have a good understanding of people and so it makes it easy for me to get into their mind. I wish I could apply that shit to myself. I always need to find everything out the hard way. Over and OVER. Lol. I constantly hurt the ones who care about me and I can never figure out why. Im a self-sabotager of sorts. I like video games and I love chocolate, but cant figure out why Dove makes candy and a bar of soap so thats one piece I choose not to chew. Lol. Im totally addicted to RedBull... I figure one day they will find out how bad it really is for you and Ill be sitting at home, cracked out on a case of it, watching a TV infomercial saying I can sue. SCORE!
Most people think I'm a total ruthless bitch until they get to know me. The key word in that sentence is until. That's IF I let you. Im guarded at all times and the walls that I've had to build to protect my heart are stronger than the Hoover fucking Dam so plan on taking your time with me. Seems the less people you let in, the less disappointed you are. People say I give the, "I dont give a fuck" eyes. I never knew there was a term for certain kinds of eyes. I'd better make a mental note of that now... for the next time I plan on making a good impression. Lmao.
I'm with someone I can truly say is my soulmate and probably is the only person on Earth that completely and unquestionably understands every fucking facet of my mind, body, psyche and soul. Thats allot to say about someone, and Im glad I found him because some people spend thier whole life trying to find that. So even though I'm self absorbed, and sometimes a total douche, I can still give credit where its due. Anyway- Im getting tired now. I guess Ill add more to this later. Just wanted to say I had something to update for months to come. Lmao...
Peace-
*Rock$teady*