Dear other shoppers using self-checkout-

Just fucking stop. All of you. You, old man with the cart full of groceries. You will die before you scan all of those groceries. And you, mother of seven bratty children, who are running and screaming while you search and search for the code for broccoli. They put the code right on the fucking vegetable, you know! And especially you, group of obnoxious teenagers, who loiter around the machines like you having nothing fucking else to do except make it look like you’re using more than just one machine.



Sweet mother of God, I’m not saying that I so swiftly move through those registers. Or that I don’t get flustered because it tells me there is unauthorized merchandise in my bagging area even though there is no unauthorized merchandise in my fucking bagging area. Or that I quickly can put my change into my wallet. This, I realize, is a physical impossibility for me, no matter where I might be. I mean, I have marginal retail/cashier experience and I get flustered pretty easily. But if I can handle the self-check out - you should, too!



I swear, I can’t take it any fucking longer. I thought self-check out would be a wonderful, wonderful thing - a taste of the future. I never realized the future was so stupid.



While you’re in an argument with the poor high school aged emo kid with the sweeping bang problem, I’ll be in a cashier lane, getting the fuck out of the store.

Thanks-

Me.

Blegh. Teachers.

Tax Man Bob

The Tax Man cummeth

Will Trade Tax Service for Sexual Favors - m4w
Reply to: anon-628263@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-04, 1:45PM EST

I do your taxes and you give me sexual favors. Fair trade. Write for more details.

Karizmatic wrote:

I got my W2 and a 1099 in the mail today and I hardly know what to do with them. I don't know my way around those confusing tax forms nearly as well as I know my way around a man's cock and balls. I know my area of expertise and you know yours. I'd be interested in an equal exchange of services.

I would like to be assured that you will handle my taxes as well as I handle your member. Will you get me a write off for every time I get you off? I think that is only fair. I might even let you ride my D-cups with your manmeat, assuming it makes me eligible for the Earned Income Tittyfucking Credit.

I hope your expertise when it comes to tax public policy will equal mine in taxing pubic policy. Believe me, your schlong will be very taxed and need a break when I get through riding it.

Tax Man Bob wrote:

do you have a pic to share? when can we meet to do taxes?

Karizmatic wrote:

Hi -- I know that you are a businessman, and indeed I want to get down to business, but your email was a little businesslike and impersonal. Please tell me more about yourself and how you like to mix taxes and sex. I'm not going to H&R Block for a reason. I'm going to H&R Cock

Tax Man Bob wrote:

37 5'11'' 158lbs 7+ brown hiar and eyes. Average looking.

I love to please women orally. my wife doesnt like oral so I miss it.

Karizmatic wrote:


God, you make talking about sex as boring as talking about taxes. If this is the way you approach it, no wonder your wife isn't into it. Please go into dirty details about what you want to do to me sexually.

Can I deduct some jizz from your balls?

Tax Man Bob wrote:

I want to tax your pussy with my 7+ inch cock and see if it can handle all of my inches. I also want to see if your mouth can handle my cum and I want to itemize my cum on your tits and mouth. I want to suck your clit until taxes are due. I want to make sure your savings are in order so I will load you up with enough cum to last the entire year. I will take my thick pencil and shove it up your tight ass and make you press my adding machine with your nipples.

Cum and do me baby and I will write you off.

Karizmatic wrote:

Are you a two-pump chump? I'm not looking for Turbo Tax here, but a thorough preparation. But if you can’t last more than 30 seconds, I might consider giving you head, as charitable giving is deductible.

Tax Man Bob wrote:

More than 2 pumps. I will do the long form with you and take my time to make sure all the boxes are filled in. I will make sure everything adds up to a big deduction. You will get a load of cash as I give you a money shot on your face.

Karizmatic wrote:

Can you do my backtaxes? You might just get a piece of my backside. I'm talking state AND federal here.

Tax Man Bob wrote:

I can do your back taxes if we protect your ASSests.

Don't want the IRS having problems in the future.