Dear other shoppers using self-checkout-

Just fucking stop. All of you. You, old man with the cart full of groceries. You will die before you scan all of those groceries. And you, mother of seven bratty children, who are running and screaming while you search and search for the code for broccoli. They put the code right on the fucking vegetable, you know! And especially you, group of obnoxious teenagers, who loiter around the machines like you having nothing fucking else to do except make it look like you’re using more than just one machine.



Sweet mother of God, I’m not saying that I so swiftly move through those registers. Or that I don’t get flustered because it tells me there is unauthorized merchandise in my bagging area even though there is no unauthorized merchandise in my fucking bagging area. Or that I quickly can put my change into my wallet. This, I realize, is a physical impossibility for me, no matter where I might be. I mean, I have marginal retail/cashier experience and I get flustered pretty easily. But if I can handle the self-check out - you should, too!



I swear, I can’t take it any fucking longer. I thought self-check out would be a wonderful, wonderful thing - a taste of the future. I never realized the future was so stupid.



While you’re in an argument with the poor high school aged emo kid with the sweeping bang problem, I’ll be in a cashier lane, getting the fuck out of the store.

Thanks-

Me.