AboutMEEEEAgain

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.



I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.



Gas prices are getting so expensive Im riding a mexican to work tomorrow.






I am 1/8th Cherokee.
This has nothing to do with ancestry, I ate a f***ing Indian.



I am the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. I can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.










Time waits for me. I once ate a whole cake before my friends could tell me there was a stripper in it. I CAN believe it's not butter.








I have the greatest Poker-Face of all time. I won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.












Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except ME. I bring the noise AND the funk. I can slam a revolving door.












I woo men with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.










I don't perspire.



I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.






I have counted to infinity. Twice.






I can lead a horse to water AND make him drink it.











... my house smells of sin and burnt toast




When I'm not worshipping satan and doing Voodoo,
I enjoy the sunrise

that is when I do spells to conjure the power of the sun.



I am the future, past, and present.






I once contemplated joining the service, the ad I read said, Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them. Yeah, Woo. Sounds like a rockin good time. *sigh*






I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.







I once went to the drive-in in a cab. The movie cost me $95.










"Its hard to say who I once was. But its easy to see who I have become. I only wish that now, I can figure out who I want to be without that part of me that I left behind. It's all for the better though, to move on and regain what I have lost."


-some myspace chick















I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.





I have furocious road rage. I will run your ass off the road faster than you can stick that pointy, stupid, middle finger up. Oh yeah, and I will call you retarded names like, the name of your car. "Get out of the road you fucking Subaru!" Ugh. I'm lame like that. But seems like I'm forever on my cell phone, and putting on make-up, or eating while driving... maybe I'm the one causing it all... hmm *ponders* Nope. It's them.. its ALL them. *chuckles*






I like people who can make me laugh, you can look like Quasimodo but as long as you can make me laugh, you're alright in my book.





As a child we had a quicksand box. I was an only child...Eventually.












Dane Cook is my MOTHER F*%KING idol.








I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.






Everyone wants to be original. Few succeed.





Make-up is an art form. Some people get it, some people don't. It just depends if the passion is there. Give me a piece of paper and tell me to draw a house, I can, but it will look like shit. Now give me a body, a face, hair, and some eyes to work with, and there, there is my canvas, there is my art.









I don't care if you like me or dislike me, I am who I am. Take it or leave it. I will not conform to your "norm". I will not dance like your little puppet. My life does not revolve around your strings.



The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter.




I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.





A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.



I hate people who can't spell. I am practically human spell check. Typos are fine, but actual vocab retardation is grounds for friendship termination in my book.













I've liked every single type of music I've ever heard.







Why ponder the reasons things are the way they are? Life is too complex for that shit. Just live. We are here for too short a time to try to fathom the makings of the universe. Just give up and breathe.






Im very a sarcastic person. If you don't understand my sarcasm... well, sucks to be YOU




















I have a muti-faceted personality. Im a little bit of prep, a lil bit of punk, a little bit rock, and a little bit club. I'm also die hard 1980's. I don't believe a person must conform to one "type" or category of person to successfully function in society.







I love tiramisu.









I hate guys who try to be suave, I like metro-sexuals, but not to date. I hate guys who load the gel into thier hair, get thier "toesies" done and use fake tanner. Sorry boys, nothing says masculinity like eyeliner and perfectly shaped eyebrows. Ugh. Pshh.




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I looove playing in the rain. If you are ever having a bad day, seems like dancing in a good down-pour will wash your problems clean. Well at least in my experience.







I hate the extacy doing, clubbie type guy. Sometimes I won't even goto clubs because of them. If your forearm is bigger than your head, if every bouncer and every door-guy knows you by name, if you pick up girls with lines like, "nice legs, what time do they open?" with that nasty crooked smile, if you eat pizza with a fork and knife, don't bother asking to be my friend. In fact, if you could, find the nearest bridge and fucking jump off it.








I am a girly girl. Big time. But I also don't mind getting dirty. I happily reside somewhere in the middle.





You can separate for years from a true friend, and you will pick up right where you left off if you ever meet again






I dance alone. I crank up the music in my house, even at 4 a.m., and I just... Bust a move.









I'm a nice girl with a bad attitude. I can't tell you how many friendships I've never started cause I came off as intimidating and a little bit cocky. But believe me, I'm the nicest girl you'll ever meet. Well... maybe not ever.




MAC make-up is life. If you never heard of it, you should really punch yourself in the face.






I am terrified of blood. If you are bleeding and I'm the only one there who can save you... WELL, we had a good run buddy, it's been fun. But it looks like you're shit out of luck.







I'm also afraid of balloons. So if you're thinking about getting them for me, DON'T. It's some deep seeded psychological thing from when I was a child. Ok, we had to run with them in-between our legs and... nevermind... I just hate balloons that's all.
























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Anything else you want to know just ask. I will try to change my info as much as possible. Muahz. Me.

My Manifesto

I never realized how much fun writing a manifesto could be. So here goes:



I will fight to legalize Marijuana. An estimated 80 million Americans over the age of 12 have smoked pot at least once. That should translate to somewhere around 40 million votes.

I will come out in favor of legalizing prostitution. I will offer federal funds to for any state that wants to build a government-regulated whorehouse. I don't know exactly how many hookers there are in America, but I know the majority of them are in densely populated areas that hold higher numbers of electoral votes.

I will eliminate all federal income taxes for anyone making less than 100 grand per year. I estimate that will get me somewhere around 90 million votes.

I will deport all the illegal aliens. I will fill all the jobs they perform that everyone says no one else wants with prison labor. Of course the prison population will be considerably lower, because I will pardon everyone convicted of non-violent drug offenses. This will secure the closet racist vote.

I will put the people at Google in charge of all government websites. I don't think this will get me very many more votes, but at least the government websites will finally make some Goddamn sense.

I will make executions accessible on pay-per-view. (The first person to be executed during my reign of terror will be Queen Latifa. Seriously, how much crap can be involved with before someone realizes that she has no talent?) The proceeds from these executions will all go to fund public schools, because children are our future.





I will make it illegal for the states to require drivers to carry auto insurance. Auto insurance is a horrendous scam, and needs to be stopped. You pay these bastards hundreds of thousands of dollars over your lifetime, and as soon as you try to make a claim they raise your rates or cancel your policy. And why is auto insurance required by law, but health insurance isn't?

I will give everyone the option of wiping their credit record clean when they turn 30. If Citibank doesn't like it, they shouldn't lend money to kids just out of high school that have no idea what they are getting themselves into. I will also create an agency to combat all the other predatory lending practices utilized by all the major credit card companies.

I will make it illegal for any network to air more than 2 hours of reality TV per day. I will also make it illegal for any cable network to air more than 2 hours of shows involving lists of any type. I realize this will probably but VH1 out of business, but I don't care. I'm sick and tired of seeing shows with titles like "The 2037 Funniest Cookie Jar Related Moments of the 90s." I'm also sick of seeing the same 10 to 15 almost celebrities talking about stupid shit for 16 hours at a time.

I will make Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh battle each other to the death inside an authentic replica of Thunderdome. Of course that will happen during the fourth year of my presidency, because the first three years will be spent waiting for a special federally funded research facility to come up with bungee cords strong enough to support that kind of weight.

With these issues as the basis of my campaign I'm sure to win.