My Stalker (True Love)

Dear Stalker-



Although you and I have not met (to my knowledge), our relationship seems to have blossomed over the past few days. Not only have you graduated from months of calling private and not saying anything, to actually belching into the phone, but I think I have figured you to be female from gauging the force used and frequency in which you can. Not that there are 'girly burps' or 'manly burps' but from the high pitch of yours, I think I can surmise that you are not a man. I apologise in advance if you are gay.



The frequency and duration of our 'encounters' has increased too. You will sit on the phone with me for ten minutes now, just listening intently..or if I hang up on you, you will call back incessantly. I cannot describe how many times you've interrupted me whilst getting pile-driven by my man, or when I'm trying to do something important and because of you, I lose my train of thought. I just wonder what your purpose may be, or what I have ever done for you to warrant me such attention. You must really like me, Stalker. Even when I curse your mother and tell you to commit suicide yourself, you insist on calling back. Why wont you meet me, Stalker? It would be easier for you to keep tabs on me if you knew where I was. You definitely aren't a professional at this.



Alas, I can only hope that one day we can meet face to face, or that you will finally take the initiative to say something into the phone, I'd like to pick your brain. Don't be afraid, Stalker. I have grown somewhat of an affinity for you over the past few months. In fact, if I don't hear from you all day, I often wonder whether something is wrong. Did you forget to pay your phone bill? Or do you have a stalker yourself and that led to your untimely demise? I certainly hope it's not the latter.



Oh dearest Stalker, I hold our breathing sessions near to my heart. I am forever grateful for your attention and *love* that the impact I've impressed on your life has made you unable to speak in my presence, or even over the phone. I am extremely flattered. You've almost crossed the threshold over to full blown pathetic. Keep it up.




All of my Love-
Jess

This Guy will PAY for Crabs

Another 100% REAL post (as always) and conversation with a REAL freak. The things people will agree to!! WTF? Are there ANY normal men left out there?? Fucking CraigsList...



Can crabs surive in snow?

$1000 TO CUM INSIDE YOU TONIGHT - m4w - 35
Reply to: anon-69721734@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-25, 4:49PM EST

No games. I am totally serious. Will donate $1000 if I can cum inside you with no protection. Can meet wherever is convenient for you.

We meet, have quick, hot, raw sex (will literally take about 10 seconds)...then we go our seperate ways.

Karizmatic wrote:

I have crabs, so I'll do it for $500.

Brad wrote:

Are you really serious…or is that a joke?

Karizmatic wrote:

I am completely serious.

I do not have the money for the Lindane genital shampoo needed for the treatment of crabs, thus I seek sex with you for $500, which will more than cover the cost of the prescription. I tried over-the-counter Permethrin cream, but it didn't work, so I need the prescription shampoo.

So you see, I do not have the money for the shampoo until I have sex with you, but I will not be crab-free until I get the shampoo, which requires funding from having sex with you. It's quite a catch-22.

Brad wrote:

are you on birth control? how old are you?

Karizmatic wrote:

I am 22 and I am on the pill. I didn't realize the pill only works for pregnancy -- that's how I got these goddamn crabs in the first place.

Are you seriously interested or just fucking around? When can you do this?

Brad wrote:

I am very serious about this. Where do you live around here?

Karizmatic wrote:

If you are ready to do this, I think I am too. Basically you just want to fuck my crabcunt without condom, and you say you'll come within about 10 seconds? That is certainly worth the money. Where can we do this? I cannot host.

Brad wrote:

I am getting the feeling this is a game...who calls it a "crab cunt"?

Karizmatic wrote:

I have crabs -- I told you that at the start. I am for real. If you are afraid of my crabs, then just say so and stop wasting my time.

Brad wrote:

The crabs aren't a problem. I can either get a hotel room, or we can do this in my car. Do you have a cell phone?

Karizmatic wrote:

Hotel or car works for me.

Also, before we do this, I should tell you, I started having a puss-like discharge last night. I'm sure it's nothing, I just wanted to tell you now so you won't be surprised. I hope this doesn't change your mind. If it does, what if we knock the price down to $300?

Brad wrote:

$300 is a bargain. Give me your phone number and we’ll work out the details.