Working out CAN be bad for you

Saturday, April 04, 2009
Working Out CAN Be Bad For You




WORK OUT PLANNED






Swim
Lift weights
Go home














WORK OUT NOT PLANNED




Enter Locker Room
Tell stranger I like her sweat jacket
End up with strangers business card and an offer to be part of a shopping ponzi scheme
Change into swim suit
Close locker
Climb 37 stairs to get to pool
Put on Goggles
Goggles Break
Climb down 37 stairs to locker room
Open Locker
Put on sweatpants over bathing suit, grab wallet
Close locker
Go into sport shop inside gym
Buy overpriced goggles
Go back inside locker room
Put sweatpants and wallet back into locker
Close locker
Locker door won't close all the way
Try again
Still nothing
Try again
Nope
Move all my s**t to another locker
Close new locker
Climb 37 steps to get to the pool
Begin to put on bathing cap
Bathing cap rips
Walk down 37 steps to locker room
Open locker
Put on sweats over bathing suit, grab wallet
Close locker
Go to sports store (still located inside gym)
Buy overpriced bathing cap
Go back into locker room
Put sweats and wallet back into locker
Lock locker
Climb 37 steps to pool
Get to edge of pool
Notice attractive man in lane next to me sitting on edge of pool
Smile
Get no smile in return
Look down, realize haven't shaved in a LONG time
Contemplate drowning myself
Realize nothing would make my ex MIL happier
Swim laps
Change out of swim suit
Put on workout clothes
Fail to notice sexy indentations around eyes from new goggles
Go to weight room
Get on weight machine
Look down, notice skin on shins literally flaking off
Recall how drying chlorine can be
Slyly put a little saliva on hand and then rub it on leg to get shine back
Doesn’t work
Now pretend not to care
Go to another weight machine
Catch eye with man I think old enough to be my father then realize I ‘m old enough to be his girlfriend.
Watch as man notices my legs
Tell man my name is Jessica but he can call me crocodile
Man laughs A LITTLE
I laugh, too hard
Return to Locker room
Make note to self to shave and put on lotion everyday for the rest of my life
Shower
Go home
Write this blog post.
Nap.