Me, Myself, and WTF?

Friday, April 03, 2009
Me, Myself, and WTF?
Last night was the finale of "Make Me a Supermodel". Yes, I've spent the last 13 weeks watching this show, which was less like a show and more like a bad accident where I just couldn't turn my head away no matter how grotesque it became.

Like your typical reality program, week by week, one of these stunning, vacuous people was told, "I'm sorry, but America has voted and they do not believe you have what it takes to be a supermodel" and week by week, I spent an hour of my life becoming more and more emotionally invested in Ben's poor run on the catwalk or the fact that "Sarah the skeleton" wasn't living up to her daily commitment to stop eating and exercise more.

Right after they announced the winner, the credits immediately began to roll. It was as though 12 of my best friends, who in real life, would have never given me the time of day, left without even so much as a goodbye. It was so quick and out of nowhere I felt this empty feeling inside me that I had no idea how to fill.

Frozen yogurt? Some fresh pineapple? No, it was too late at night to indulge in anything food related. Sex? Sure, but that would have meant hiring someone and I'm really trying to stick to a budget. What then? What could I have done to make me feel whole again? Would Thursday night every be the same? What was I to do? Turn off the TV? Get a real life? I guess but is there life outside of Ben, Sarah, Perry or Shannon? And what if my Tuesday friends on "The Biggest Loser" found out? Would they be hurt to the point of binge eating? And how about Wednesdays and those hard working folks on Top Chef? Who are they really cooking for? Tom Colicchio or me?

As I sat, leaning against my coffee table in the dark, the only light, the glow from my television, I knew that giving up my TV and getting a life was not going to solve anything. And then, suddenly, clear as the colors on the screen, I had my answer. "I Wanna Be A Dancer" hosted by Elizabeth Berkeley, every Thursday night at ten on the Bravo Channel. Nicole, Nick, Tovah (Collins not Feldshuh), James and best of all, Jessica, a gal just like me only blonder, longer legged, happier and more flexible. Twelve new friends, coming into my home every Thursday, dancing their hearts out, while I sit, watching, my heart racing, wondering, "who will go home this week? Who will be the one at the end of the night, sitting in alone in front of the camera, vowing to the world, "this isn't the last you're going to hear from me" even though both they and I and the entire rest of the world, know, that in fact, it will be.

You know, during the tough times, I've often heard people say that life is a series of one Reality TV show ending and another beginning to air and that our only job is to trust that and go on with our lives, even if, like me, you don't have one.