CreepTastic: An Rookies Guide to a Successful Creep

Well Hellooo there "Novice Creep"!

If you're here it's probably because you saw our YouTube video on the rules to #Creepin and need a little more guidance. I hear ya partner, creepin ain't easy.

If you've already attempted Creepin and weren't successful, [See #CreepDefeat] that's because there are a lot of components that go into becoming a #CreepGod and some of them have to do more with practice and less with following rules.

First thing to do when preparing for to go Creepin is to get into #CreepMode. Most of you are thinking, hey that's easy. Well if you've been a Creeper as long as I have it is, but for a #CreeperApprentice it may be a tad more difficult. When I am getting into creepmode I like to spy on my neighbors from directly outside their bedroom window. Why? Because its creepy as hell.

You may find you like to watch R. Kelly videos [and I'm not talking about his music], study 'before' and 'after' pictures of Michael Jackson, or if you're a man, dress up in women's tights and fondle yourself in the mirror. [Hey, whatever get's you going partner, I dont judge]. It doesnt matter how you do it, all that matters is that you get the job done.

Once you have transistioned into #CreepMode, the next order of business is to figure out your #CreepGear. As you know from Rule #1 of Creepin, you MUST have a disguise. Disguises must be something you can easily put on and remove, because as you know the second rule of Creepin is that NO ONE must discover you're a Creep. Things like Coke Bottle Glasses/Reindeer Noses/Removable Unibrows work perfectly. [If you have an ACTUAL Unibrow though, you might be best suited getting that worked on at your local 'Happy Ending' salon before continuing with this tutorial] The object here is to NOT look like yourself. but still be identifiable for completeing your later task of #CreepProof. [See #RulesOfCreepin]

Next, you must find a #CreepApprentice. All successful Creeps require at least two people. One will non-chalantly snap a photo and the other will pull off the creep. It is important that you pick an apprentice that is interested in learning how to become a #CreepPro like yourself, but also takes direction well.. Picking the wrong apprentice will lead to #CreepDefeat everytime.

Once you have chosen a trusty apprentice, practice your signature #CreepPose in the mirror. This is one of the most important steps as it must be executed perfectly. Everyone knows the #3 rule of Creepin is that you MUST have a SIGNATURE creep pose that you use in every shot. Mine is sort of like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, moments before death. [Contorted face/crypt-keeper fingers] This is so later the #OGCreeps may be easily identified by thier pose, even if their disguise is hiding their true identity.

Creeps must always look and smell their best. One component of creepin that most forget to master is the art of NOT looking like a creep. Remember folks, the object here is to NOT GET CAUGHT. You dont want to give away your intentions off the bat. If you look the part, might as well accept that you are not going to accomplish a successful creep. You dont want any non-creeps to spot you. This is a mission from start to finish, so do it right or dont do it at all. A creepers biggest foes are body odor and a general natural "look of creepiness". If you already look like a creep in real life, do not attempt this sport because a #CreepHater will spot you a mile away. Plus, if you ACTUALLY stalk people or are a pedophile, we will not accept you into #CirqueDeCreep anyway because this is a SPORT not a way of life. You, #PedoCreep, have already crossed the line into the realm of #ActualCreeper, which is something entirely different than what we are discussing. [Ewww, creepy]

Next, you have to find a location. Walmart, Walgreens, Carnivals.. these are perfect places to #scopeacreep. Once there, find a suitable host for your creepin adventure and #CommenceTaCreepin!!! Once you have found a host [unbeknownst to them of course], creep as close as possible without being discovered, strike your #SignatureCreepPose, and have your apprentice snap a photo for #creepproof. Remember, once you have accomplished a successful creep, submit your entry to KarizmaticClover@yahoo.com to enter to win the #CreepersKitForSuccess. Once you have submitted undeniable PROOF to the #creeparmy, you will get an invite to an exclusive Twitter Community [#CirqueDeCreep] where you can find the #CreepHallOfFame and enter the weekly contests for #creepoftheweek. Creepin is a privilege. Only the most outrageous/masterfully creative creeps will be accepted into the #creeparmy. This isnt PLANKING. This is creepin. Plankers are creepers only nemesis and must be eradicated. If you've ever planked in your life you know its totally GAY. The only time planking might be mildly entertaining is when the 'planker' is unaware he's planked [ie a person passes out drunk in plank position on a staircase or front lawn]. Creepin crushes planking like rock crushes scissors.

If you have any questions, or feel I have missed something, feel free to post it below and I will have someone in the #CreepArmy answer. :)




Creepin Commandments


#1 You MUST have a disguise.
- This disguise must be easily removable as you can't let the whole world know you are a creep. Creeps do their creepin undercover so you only put the disguise on last minute.

#2 NO ONE must discover you are Creepin.
- If a creep is discovered [ie you get caught] You must immediately stop the creep and accept #CreepDefeat. The reason being, If the person you are creepin on catches you, they are probably gonna be #CreepedOut. Creepin people out is not the goal here. EVER. You arent a spider or a cockroach, you are a human being! Act like one. You may try again some other time, however, but your #CreepStatus will be in limbo until you pull off another successful creep. You are not eligible to become a #CreepGod at all if you have EVER accepted #creepdefeat.

#3 You MUST have a signature Creep Pose.
-This is used by the #CreepArmy to identify you in photos or video where you are creepin, but are wearing such a masterful disguise that it is impossible to ascertain who the hell you are.

#4 You MUST have #CreepProof.
- Stories of successful creeps are great. But one cannot call themselves a #creeppro without proof. The proof is in the pudding, friends. You Must have at least one photo and/or video to show that what you say transpired, TRULY did. The easiest way to accomplish this is to turn the flash/sound off on your phone and act like you are texting. There are other ways to disguise it, but Ill let you figure that out on your own.

#5 you Must not know your victim
- a successful creep can only be pulled off if the "victim" of the creep is unaware. Creeping up behind someone and snapping a photo mid #creeppose and wearing said #creepGear is HARD work, this is why its such an elite sport. A creep is not considered a true creep unless the rules are followed. A creep may NOT be staged. It must be 100% on a whim to be considered #Creeptastic.

*The only time it would be Ok to know your victim is when they are in the middle of something very serious and you #SneakACreep. IE: Your uncle is signing a deed to a new house, and there you go creepin in the background.*

#6 You must take a #CreepApprentice
- A successful creep requires two people. It is impossible to execute a successful creep when nobody is helping you. One to take #creepproof and one to pull off the creep. You may not move up in #creepstatus until your apprentice has moved up in theirs. This is how the #creeparmy was formed. There are rules in place for a reason and you, as a #novicecreep, must follow them.

#7 The creepier, the better.
- The harder the creep is to execute/the more skill it takes the faster you will move up in #creepstature. For example, creepin on an old lady/man [while hilarious] is easy, they move slow so you have a while to get up to them and their senses are dull so they wont sense you right behind them or smell you or whatever. While this is a very entertaining creep, it is not the most sophisticated. A creep that takes more skill would be creepin on a cop, or the most sophisticated and elusive of all, creepin on ANOTHER creep. Catching someone doing something creepy in a photo While your creeping is grounds to make you an instant #creepgod. [example; a thief is stealing something, you catch them mid steal, with a creep]

*You may creep into scenes too. One less used form of creepin is the #incognitocreep. For example, a woman is screaming at the lady at the register, you put on your #creepdisguise and then have your creep apprentice snap a photo of the scene [without being discovered] with you clearly creeping somewhere in the background. This works wonderful in crowds. [A variation of 'Where's Waldo?' where instead of finding a young Freddy Krueger, you're scoping out the creepy guy in disguise poking out from behind a park bench]*

#8 #creatorsofcreepin will stay the creators for all of eternity.
- Any #PiggyBackinCreeps will have their #creepstatus revoked for life. #creatorsofcreepin reserve the right to revoke any #creeperstatus they want at any time due to possible infraction of rules. Even #creepgods are not above this action.

#9 Above all, have fun.
- Being creepy is a good time. Unlike planking, this is a excursion that takes massive skill, and ninja like stealth.

#10 Creep Wisely.
- Never Creep under the influence. Not only will you most definitely get caught, but nothing is creepier than a drunk person blowing jager breath on a strangers back in the middle of Walmart. #CreepinWhileIntoxicated will surely end in you hancuffed to a patrol car or bleeding from the eyes after being maced repeatedly. If you decide to attempt this, dont say we didnt warn you.